Soooo. Round 4 is over. Tomorrow I go in for round 5. I dread it. Instead of enjoying the past few "feeling great" days, I felt anxiety about the next chemo cycle. I'm just tired and don't want to deal with it anymore. I don't have time to feel sick for a week. Or longer. I have too many things to do around here. It's spring! I want to go out and enjoy it. I want to work in the garden. Go for walks. Gah! I just want this whole chemo thing to be over. I want my hair back! Yes, I am even willing to start shaving armpits and legs again, just give me my head hair!
Okay, I'm done whining. In three weeks and one day I will be done with chemo. I can do this.
Change of subject... a few weeks ago my nephew Tyler had his head shaved for a St. Baldrick's fundraiser for Childhood cancer. He dedicated his shave to me and a family friend who both have/had breast cancer; his step-grandpa and his second cousin who both passed on from lung cancer, and his friend Nate who is in the middle of a really tough battle with an aggressive cancer. (I'm thinking an 18 year old shouldn't even know that many people with cancer!) We had a family party for his and Celia's birthday last weekend and I got my picture taken with him. I call it "Two Baldies." Although I was slightly jealous that in two weeks he had a nice layer of fuzz already! I think he looks handsome with Very Short Hair.
Oh yeah, I'm the one on the left, ha ha. This is the ONLY baldy picture of me you'll see. Because a) I don't like getting my picture taken; and b) I don't like being bald; and c) this is the ONLY picture that I don't mind too much. I want to thank my sister for taking it.
I also want to thank my sister for being there for me throughout all these chemo sessions. At first I thought that I might want to be alone. After the first session I changed my mind. She makes it tolerable and dare I say... fun? Oh yeah, we manage to laugh. And talk. Yell at the TV. We eat lunch together. Sometimes we just sit in silence and work on schoolwork or artwork or work-work. But I never feel alone. Sometimes I even manage to forget that I'm hooked up to an IV being fed poisons. Well, except for that time I needed to go to the bathroom and she unplugged something (that obviously wasn't the IV) and a couple of nurses came running into the room in a near panic. I guess she unplugged the emergency button and the nurses thought I was dying or something. Oh yeah, we laugh about it now. I think we laughed about it then too. Let's not do it again though, 'kay Moni? LOL.
Wish me luck tomorrow... may the ferrets find another home (that's not in my stomach) and may the drugs not turn me into a blimp.