(Really Sour Lemons)

Monday, April 23, 2012

Here we go again...

Tuesday (tomorrow) is my LAST chemotherapy treatment. I have a lot of emotions running through my head. I thought this day would never come. I'm excited to get this over with. I'm dreading feeling sick for the next weeks and the fatigue that comes with the healing of the cells that were killed. I'm excited to get some semblance of a life back. To feel good again. To go for walks and bike rides without hurting. I want to climb mountains this summer. Or at least big hills.

I do have to remind myself that I'm not quite done though. (Is a cancer survivor ever done?) The nurses will sing for me tomorrow. But I will see them Wednesday for my last Neulesta shot. And next Tuesday for another less invasive treatment. And the next Tuesday, and the next. Then every three weeks for this Herceptin treatment, until next January. So I will still have to go to the Cancer Center and get hooked up and all that. But this Herceptin treatment doesn't make me sick like the chemo. Doesn't make my bones and muscles hurt and doesn't kill the fast growing cells in my body. It'll be interesting to see what side effects it does have, by itself, without the nasty chemo. Good news is, I had a MUGA heart scan last Friday and my heart is still as healthy as it was when we started.

Best of all... is that my hair will grow back! I have a confession... I HATE being bald. I am sick and tired of wearing hats. Or scarves or head coverings. And it's not because of how I look bald. When I have makeup on (like eyebrows!) and earrings, I think I look okay. But for some reason I have not ventured in public as a bald chick. My head is COLD all the time. Even hanging around the house, it's cold. Except of course when it's HOT. It's one or the other. Never a comfortable in-between. I wear a hat or scarf. My head gets hot. I take the hat or scarf off. My head gets cold. My temperature regulator is broken. (I won't even talk about night time!)

If I could regulate my temperature and not have this issue, it wouldn't be bad at all. There are some definite advantages of being hairless: 

1. I can get ready in the morning in about 15 minutes and that includes showering and putting on makeup. 
2. Not having to blow dry my hair and making my scalp and dry and itchy. (No dry flaky scalp now!)
3. No one can blame me for clogging up the shower drain with hair! 
4. Save money on shampoo and conditioner (and frizz-ease, and other styling products)
5. It's impossible to have a bad hair day! 
6. I haven't had to shave my armpits in months! 
7. Or my legs! 
8. Or... well, we won't even go there!

That's all I can think of for now... if anyone has any other advantages, leave a comment.

I need to take my steroids before I turn out the light. I hate taking them. They wire my brain and cause insomnia. I can lay here with my eyes closed but my mind will be ticking and tomorrow I'll be tired and cranky. They will cause flushing and a red rash on my cheeks (like a sunburn that will flake and peel over the week.) They will cause water retention; a puffy moon face. They make me want to eat but the chemo will make me want to puke. But I'm a good girl. I take them because they're supposed to cut down on any allergic reactions to the chemo and help combat nausea and vomiting.

But this is the last time, right? I can do this.


  1. Yes, you can do it!! But you've always known that, because you are a warrior woman. We're all with you as you stay geared up for the last few weeks of feeling crappy -- knowing the sun is shining ahead!

  2. YES YOU CAN!! So glad this is the last big treatment!!

  3. You've been amazing and having this phase almost over and then move on. I love how you plan to climb hills . . . they will be mountains one day!

  4. Lisa herceptin is a real life saver wonder drug. I am so relived to hear the worst is over and in a week you will be chipper and feisty in mind and spirit.