(Really Sour Lemons)

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Health, Hair, Huh? (WTF did I do?)

Well, it's been long enough, hasn't it? No, not my hair, just the time since my last update :-D (trying to keep a sense of humor here, bear with me...)  

On the health front, things are going well when you think about what this time last year looked like. Exactly one year ago, I had two surgeries done with and had an egg beater inserted into my breast so I could start radiation two days before Christmas. I had cut my hair short already, in anticipation of what chemo would do to me. I was scared but I knew I wasn't alone and I was ready to fight like a girl.

Over the course of the year I've had three more surgeries - two failed attempts at placing a port and one that finally got it right. I've had six rounds of poisonous cell killing chemotherapy, with 20 rounds of Herceptin weekly during that time. And 12 rounds of Herceptin by itself since. On January 9th I go for my very last infusion of Herceptin. Then I'm done. 

But it's never really over is it? It will never be over. I will live the rest of my life "on call", being extra vigilant about every ache, pain, bump and lump. Waiting. 

It seems pretty stupid to be worrying about hair, doesn't it? 

Today I wanted to get my hair around my ears trimmed. I went to a cheap walk in place. The stylist asked if I wanted the rest of my hair evened out. I said sure. It was starting to look a little out of control. When she was done, my first reaction (in my head) was "What the &*$% did I just do???" She took about 4 months of growth off my head. Now I have short hair. REALLY short hair. Sure, it's styled and layered nicely. But my gosh, did I mention it's short? On purpose? I'm so sad for all the hair that got chopped off, it took me such a long time to get to the point I was at. Then I think... I'm such an idiot to worry about it. Look at everything I've been through. It's only hair. It'll keep growing. 

But I never wanted a boy cut... 

Here are some pictures, for entertainment only :-D 

Here is a "before" picture of my bad-ass mohawk look. It was actually taken about three weeks ago: 
 And my Happy Mohawk look. I actually had several inches there on top of my head.
The back was getting really thick and wavy. I had already gotten it trimmed around the neckline and around the ears already.
Okay, I'm well aware that I look like a huge dork with a mohawk. It just wasn't a good look for me. I was just kidding around with the camera. I usually blow dried it so I had more of a flat look. Too bad I don't have a picture of my normal style. I had a very deep side part and swept it toward the front. The top was thick and I had a fringy bang. 

This is what my hair looks like today. It's a smidge over an inch long... all over, including the back.

  Fine. It's short. I can't get it back. I can't do anything about it now. Regret will get me nowhere. I will learn to accept it and love it. It'll grow again. And it'll fit better under that blue wig I wanted for Christmas... 

It's only hair... 
It's only hair... 
It's only hair...