Hair, Hats and Hormones

I have been feeling great this past week. Everything is returning to normal, minus the extra fatigue that hits me in the evenings. It was my birthday on Friday the 10th of February and I felt good enough to eat some cupcakes and then went out to dinner on the weekend. (First time out to dinner in a looong time.) On my birthday I decided to shave my head clean. It was buzzed before, with about 1/4" of hair all over except for some emerging balding patches. It was hurting to lay on it and I kept getting short pieces of hair everywhere, including my eyes. So off it went. Plus, I wanted to tell people when they asked "did you do anything special for your birthday?" I can answer "Yes, I had cupcakes and shaved my head." LOL.

Believe it or not, a 1/4" of hair still keeps your head somewhat warm! When it was all gone, my head was REALLY cold! It was a really weird sensation to feel the air gliding over my head as I walked around the house. Just sitting around is cold. I have to wear a hat most of the time, or at least a head scarf. I have decided that I DO NOT like being bald because of this. It has nothing to do with beauty or looks. I don't place a lot of emphasis on physical looks, I try to look beyond that. No, it's just damn cold to be bald. 

I've only been totally bald for about 10 days now and I'm tired of it already. I have a big basket of hats to keep me warm. And I have a big basket of pretty scarves for my head too. But sometimes I just don't feel like wearing a hat or scarf or anything on my head. But then I'm cold. It's crazy hard to regulate temperature too. Hats inside are sometimes too hot. Hats outside are fine. But then when I go into a store I overheat. Scarves are fine inside but I'm always pulling and tugging and adjusting. That knot in the back of my neck is getting old. I bought a bunch of fabric to make my own scarves, some thinner cotton ones, but it won't solve the knot-in-neck problem. Forget turbans. I refuse to go there! 

And speaking of regulating temperatures, oh.my.goodness. I think my ovaries have been dying a slow death the past few weeks. I turned 46 last week, and even though I had a hysterectomy at 39, I had kept my ovaries and hormones and menopause was far off on the horizon. But lately I've been waking up 3-4 times a night HOT and sweating. My pillow feels like it was in the oven. I whip my sleeping hat off and throw it aside, flip my pillow and toss all the covers off. Sometimes I sit up and fan my head. About 5 minutes later I'm shivering and grab the covers again and snuggle under to get warm. I don't know if this is a side effect of the chemo or if the chemo is screwing with my hormones and causing night sweats, or, and I dread saying this, is this what a hot flash feels like? 

I'm so not ready for this part. 

Next time I will tell you about my trip outside of my comfort zone. 

Raging Hormones?

Something was raging today. I felt great once I got up. This is the first day since port placement last Monday that I didn't have a constant Tylenol buzz going. I had enough energy to clean and vacuum the bathroom AND my studio. I folded and put away the laundry. Worked on some business stuff. Stuff I NEEDED to do. Not because no one else will but because it helped me feel useful and productive. I hate all the sitting around "resting" stuff. I know, sometimes it's all I can do, but I get mentally antsy when I don't feel like doing anything physically. Hubby has been doing everything else around here, Little C is doing everything she can to take care of me. I really needed to do something normal. It's very hard for me to not feel like a burden when I've always taken care of things before. 

Then towards the afternoon I tried printing something and NONE of the three printers in the house would connect to my new laptop. And my old laptop wouldn't even connect to the wireless system. My husband had just couched himself in exhaustion after working on the website all day. I was so frustrated. I just wanted something to work the way it's supposed to. I just burst into tears. And cried for half an hour. Over a stupid (or three) printer. Ugh. 

Night sweats. Crying over Stupid. I think my hormones are dying a slow death.