Two and a half years ago...

Two and a half years ago... was the last time I wrote a post on this blog!

I have reasons, I swear. It seems like Life hit me in the head with a bag of lemons and knocked me out for awhile :-) My last post reported that it was my birthday... I was done with all my cancer treatments by January, my port was taken out in February, it was my birthday and I was getting my health back, and I felt very loved. Life was good. Then life started getting weird... you know that feeling you get when you know something is "off" but you can't pinpoint it? Or nobody will talk to you about it, but you know it's big? Yeah that. By July, divorce proceedings were started. I am not going into the gritty details, that's not important, but let's just say that the next 18 months of my life sucked big Sour Lemon Balls.

Never in my life did I imagine I would be divorced at age 48, after 25 years of marriage. Oh, the grieving process is real. I went through every single stage. I have never cried so much in my life, and I have never been so angry. But you know what?

I am a survivor. And I am strong.

I survived cancer. I survived divorce. I survived moving out of my home of ten years and setting up a new home with my daughter. I survived divorce lawyers. (Stress, anyone?) I survived with the help of my family, my friends, and my life coach. And art. Yes, it's true what they say. Art heals. So does writing/journaling, although I kept that all very private.

So here I am today. I am 49 and still trying to figure out who I am and what I want. Because 25 years with your other "half" only makes you a half person (and sometimes less...) When I think about my future, anxiety starts creeping in like a draft under the door. Sometimes I wonder if I have a future, and all kinds of macabre thoughts creep in. I won't go there now.

Today I had a checkup with my oncologist. The physical exam went well, no suspect lumps or bumps, or nodes. Last week I had my ovaries removed and he was surprised at how fast I was healing. Asked if I needed more Norco (pain pills) and I laughed. I took 3 out of 30. No, I don't need any more. He was thrilled at how good I felt the past few months, since I stopped taking the Tamoxifen. Here's the story...

Yes, it was my choice to stop taking the Tamoxifen... I had three years in and couldn't do it anymore. I felt like crap all the time. I woke up tired, got C to school, went back to sleep for 2 hours, dragged myself through the work day, only to crash again about 3:00, dragged my way through dinner, and sat on the couch all night because I didn't have the energy to do anything. I wanted to sleep all the time. I didn't feel like doing anything I loved... making art, sewing, reading, walking, living. My brain was in a fog all the time. I had a hard time thinking, focusing, remembering. I felt like a zombie, going through the motions of life. Depression is real, my friends. Didn't know I had it until I didn't have it anymore. A day came when I convinced myself that my daughter would be okay with her dad because he loves her and would take care of her. I didn't really care whether I lived or died.

Um, wait. what. the. f*ck. 

That day I decided to go off my meds, my Dr. had previously told me I could safely take a three week "vacation" without hurting myself. I stopped on a Monday. By the following Monday it was like a switch was flipped. I could see colors again. I could breathe again. I got six hours of sleep and didn't need a nap the entire day! I could form coherent thoughts and sentences. It was freaking amazing! I called my Dr. and made an appointment and told him I am NOT going to go back on Tamoxifen because it was killing me. He was not happy. But we compromised and decided I would get my ovaries removed to lessen the estrogen production in my body. Then we would talk about more meds. I waited until the end of summer because I had a few trips planned and didn't want to worry about lifting things, I just wanted to enjoy myself.

Which brings us back to today. My exam went really well, I passed with flying colors and I feel great. I left the cancer center with tears in my eyes, drove to a nearby empty parking lot and sobbed the Ugly Cry. Because he wants to put me BACK on meds. I don't get it. In one breath he tells me how happy he is to hear that I am feeling so good, and enjoying life, and I told him that for the first time ever I drove two days to North Carolina by myself because I COULD.

The next breath he is telling me the side effects of Arimidex (and a few I added from the website)
Tiredness, weakness. 
Increase in Cholesterol and blood pressure.
Increase in risk of blood clots and strokes.
Bone pain.
Joint pain.
Osteoporosis/bone thinning. 
Weight gain.
Sexual side effects like vag dryness and painful intercourse.  
Increase in hot flashes, flushing.
Blurred vision, chest pain, dizziness, headache, nervousness, shortness of breath...

The list goes on and on. An echoing in my head:  No. No. No. No. No. How can I do this? I finally, after THREE years, feel like I am alive again and able to enjoy my life again. And I'm supposed to willingly give it up again? This is not fair. This is SO not fair...

His words keep echoing through my brain. Probably because he repeated it 4 times during the 20 minute visit.

"Lisa, I have always been open and honest with you and I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't believe it 100%. I STRONGLY recommend that you to take this medicine. It is proven to greatly decrease your chances of recurrence and DYING OF BREAST CANCER." Yes, he said "dying".

Do I want to die? Of course not. I want to live. But I want to LIVE. I want to feel like I am alive while doing the living. I don't want to feel like I am dying while pretending to live. Sigh.

By the end of the appointment I asked "IF I took the medicine, how long would it take to notice side effects? And how long would it take to leave my system if the side effects were too severe?"

Then something happened that has NEVER happened to me before. He said "I don't have time today to discuss this with you. Seriously think about this and come back in six months." And the visit was over. I think I pissed him off. Because I didn't blindly follow instructions and do whatever he recommended? When have I EVER done that? 

I truly don't know what to do. I am so torn up about this, I just want to cry every time I think about it. I did some research tonight and am still processing. I will talk more about it next time. I would love to hear your experiences if you are taking an AI. Don't tell me what to do, just tell me what you're doing, okay? 

xoxo Lisa  

One year ago today...

Happy Birthday to me!

 One year ago today... it was my birthday. I celebrated by shaving my head while Mike was at work and Celia was in school. My hair had started to fall out by the handfuls and it was time to take control and let it go on MY terms. 

Since then, I've finished my rounds of chemotherapy. I finished my year of Herceptin. On February 1st, against my doctors "recommendation," I had my chemo-port removed. I celebrated my birthday in my own skin, sans devices and deadly chemicals and full of hope for my future. What a difference a year makes! It makes my brain spin a little bit thinking about it. 

This year was a happy. birthday. Celia made me breakfast in bed. We went out for a delicious lunch a'la Italiano. Lounged around and read my book and had some nappage. Spent a few hours making some art. Had the Pineapple upside down cake Mike and Celia made (from scratch) for dinner. Mike and Celia did the laundry (seriously) all by themselves. Celia made me a beautiful zentangle-y picture of a Manga-Mermaid. (Manga-Tangle? Zen-Mangale?) And I got a new purple bicycle :-D I felt loved indeed, by all the birthday wishes from my friends and family through emails, Facebook, and phone calls. It was a very special day. 

Still not much hair but more than a year ago!

Now, on to the health update! I have to say I've been doing pretty well with the sugar ban and healthy eating. I feel like I've seriously cut my sweet tooth. I don't crave it anymore. I can pass by the candy stash at the grocery checkout without hearing their little evil voices calling to me... There's a kit kat bar laying on a shelf in the breezeway (I have NO idea why) but I haven't felt the need to snogg it down. 

German Pancake Banana Pizza?

What I am doing instead... I am eating fruit with my breakfasts, applesauce or mashed bananas on my pancakes. Chia seeds in my oatmeal. Raisins and bananas in my cereal. Super fresh organic eggs from my mom's chickens. Since I work at home I can make my lunches. Normally two or three servings of vegetables with some fish or other lean protein, sometimes brown rice or whole wheat pasta.

Brown rice, turkey sausage, carrots, parsley

Dinners are always served with more veggies than carbs. If I must have dessert, it's a chia seed pudding (not as bad as it sounds!) or jarred peaches. I go to Whole Foods every week and get fresh Broccoli and Kale and Carrots and Greens. Last week I tried Chard (easier to eat than Kale) and this week I have a huge tub of spinach in the fridge. I learned that I shouldn't "drink" my greens very often because of Thyroid issues so I cook them, which is fine. I don't have a proper juicer anyway. I made a huge pot of vegetable soup: 

Zucchini, tomatoes, parsley, celery, green beans, garlic... yum!

I am learning how to cook for myself. I can still cook for my family, but my needs are being taken care of also. What a concept. This weekend I had birthday cake, but I insisted on a recipe from scratch. No box cakes. Mike said that it really wasn't hard at all. I've been making things like buttermilk pancakes from scratch too. No big deal. I want to ban all boxed food, but in reality I will keep a few organic type foods under the following condition: I can pronounce and recognize ALL the ingredients. (I've put so many things back on the shelf while grocery shopping using this rule!)

So, how is it going, you ask? I feel good about how I am eating, but I'm not feeling much different and despite my ban on all junk foods I have not lost an ounce of weight. Now, you may say that doesn't matter, it's how I feel that matters. Sure, to a point. But my main goal here is to lose weight. Because that's the key to my getting healthy and reducing risk of cancer recurrence. I am extremely frustrated but I'm going to just keep at it. 

(On a side note that may or may not be related, my thryoid levels were rechecked after 6 weeks of synthroid and they still weren't "optimum" so my dose has been increased. I'm hoping that controlling my hypothyroidism will help. The node on my thryroid was biopsied last week and came out negative for cancer. whew.) 

So.... my plans going forward. I'm reading a lot and still researching diet and health, coming up with my own conclusions based on a lot of people's opinions. One of my goals for the next few months is to up my exercise. It's still pretty cold here, but I can figure out ways to move inside the house. My other goal is to continue to cut down on simple carbs with high glycemic loads. I don't have diabetes and I don't want to get it, this seems like a healthier way to eat. 

We'll see. I'll check back in a few weeks and let you know how it's going. IF anything is going :-D 

2013-A Fresh Start

The beginning of the new year is always a time of reflection, thinking about the past year and everything that happened, and an offering of a fresh new start. I don't really do much to celebrate the new year (we stay in and watch movies, the countdown, then kiss and go to sleep!) I always start the year out feeling good (no hangovers!) and ready to move forward. 

2012 was a tough year, no doubt about it. I can say that physically, it was the worst year of my life. I was scared witless of chemotherapy. All my life I've had the thought that it was the worst thing anyone could ever do to their body. I never thought I'd be doing it. But I made it. I survived. The human body is amazingly beautiful and strong and resilient. And the human brain is amazingly forgetful, thank goodness. I kept journals, I can read about how bad I felt, but thankfully, those memories fade over time, so I don't dwell on them. My last Herceptin treatment is Wednesday then I'm free, but I'm scared too. I won't have anyone monitoring me every 3 weeks. I'll be on my own for months at a time. There are so many conflicting emotions running around my head that I can't quite put them into words yet.

But I won't let fear rule. That's a waste of time. And time is precious. If I've learned one thing this past year it's that time IS precious. We never know how much time we have left so we have to make each day count. I'm not going to go all mushy here... but... hug your loved ones extra tight, tell them you love them. Forgive someone.

What's in store for 2013? I am going to get my health back. I know that the universe laughs at plans and has ways of letting us know we are not in control of The Big Plan. But the little plan is to gain some semblance of control over my body again. Once my Herceptin Treatments are over, I can work on healing my heart. The biggest side effect is heart damage and each successive MUGA heart scan shows decreasing numbers, not in the danger zone, but decreasing nonetheless. Maybe that's why I'm so tired all the time? Anyway, my heart can start healing as my body sheds the last of the chemicals. 

I have to change my entire body chemistry, to prevent any new cancer cells from forming. Being practical here, not negative. I know the stats. HER2+ cancers are more aggressive than non HER2. Twenty years ago it was a death sentence. The cells I had were grade 3, fast growing, aggressive. There is some good news. ER+ cancers are the easiest to control with lifestyle changes. I'm already on estrogen suppressing drugs, the next best thing I can do for my survival is to lose weight. Fat cells store estrogen = bad. The more obese a woman is, the higher the chance of recurrence. Apparently cancer cells also like acidic environments and weakened immune systems. Both side effects of too much sugar. I have a sweet tooth, I'll even say I am addicted to sugar. But it's gotta go. My life depends on it. And of course I need to exercise. I need to get into a routine and make it a part of my day. No excuses. 

So that's what's on the agenda, health-wise, for 2013. Get to a healthy weight. Strengthen my heart and muscles. Put nutritious foods into my body, reject unhealthy foods. Getting some control back. My battle year may be over, but the war has just begun. I will continue to write about my next battles, my fight for health. It makes me feel more accountable for my choices and actions when I tell them out loud. Even if no one is listening. But if it helps just one person know they are not alone, it's worth it. 

Happy New Year everyone! I will keep you posted on everything going on and check in next week.

Health, Hair, Huh? (WTF did I do?)

Well, it's been long enough, hasn't it? No, not my hair, just the time since my last update :-D (trying to keep a sense of humor here, bear with me...)  

On the health front, things are going well when you think about what this time last year looked like. Exactly one year ago, I had two surgeries done with and had an egg beater inserted into my breast so I could start radiation two days before Christmas. I had cut my hair short already, in anticipation of what chemo would do to me. I was scared but I knew I wasn't alone and I was ready to fight like a girl.

Over the course of the year I've had three more surgeries - two failed attempts at placing a port and one that finally got it right. I've had six rounds of poisonous cell killing chemotherapy, with 20 rounds of Herceptin weekly during that time. And 12 rounds of Herceptin by itself since. On January 9th I go for my very last infusion of Herceptin. Then I'm done. 

But it's never really over is it? It will never be over. I will live the rest of my life "on call", being extra vigilant about every ache, pain, bump and lump. Waiting. 

It seems pretty stupid to be worrying about hair, doesn't it? 

Today I wanted to get my hair around my ears trimmed. I went to a cheap walk in place. The stylist asked if I wanted the rest of my hair evened out. I said sure. It was starting to look a little out of control. When she was done, my first reaction (in my head) was "What the &*$% did I just do???" She took about 4 months of growth off my head. Now I have short hair. REALLY short hair. Sure, it's styled and layered nicely. But my gosh, did I mention it's short? On purpose? I'm so sad for all the hair that got chopped off, it took me such a long time to get to the point I was at. Then I think... I'm such an idiot to worry about it. Look at everything I've been through. It's only hair. It'll keep growing. 

But I never wanted a boy cut... 

Here are some pictures, for entertainment only :-D 

Here is a "before" picture of my bad-ass mohawk look. It was actually taken about three weeks ago: 

 And my Happy Mohawk look. I actually had several inches there on top of my head.

The back was getting really thick and wavy. I had already gotten it trimmed around the neckline and around the ears already.

Okay, I'm well aware that I look like a huge dork with a mohawk. It just wasn't a good look for me. I was just kidding around with the camera. I usually blow dried it so I had more of a flat look. Too bad I don't have a picture of my normal style. I had a very deep side part and swept it toward the front. The top was thick and I had a fringy bang. 

This is what my hair looks like today. It's a smidge over an inch long... all over, including the back.

  Fine. It's short. I can't get it back. I can't do anything about it now. Regret will get me nowhere. I will learn to accept it and love it. It'll grow again. And it'll fit better under that blue wig I wanted for Christmas... 

It's only hair... 
It's only hair... 
It's only hair...  

The Color of October

What October looks like.

I love Autumn but October has become a hard month to get through. Everywhere I look, I see Pink. Don't get me wrong, Pink is good... it's the color of Breast Cancer Awareness, Education, Funding, Research, and Camaraderie. A reminder to get your mammogram. It's also a big fat reminder "You are now a permanent member of this group!" A fighter, a survivor. Not that I would ever forget. I think it's important to remember, it keeps fuel in the fire to do something about this Beast we call cancer. 

To mark my one year Cancerversary (has it been a year already?) I have decided to participate in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer 5K Walk this Sunday at the Chicago Premium Outlet Mall. I am raising money for the American Cancer Society, who have been amazing in the services they offer to cancer patients of all kinds, not just breast cancer. I am the captain of a very small team... it'll be me and my daughter, and my sister and nephew. Here's a very short video about the importance of the event. I love the lady who says "normally I would say to look at my face" lol.

If you would like to make a last minute donation to Team Cousineau, please click on this special message from me:  KICK CANCERS ASS  Haha. I'm at 84% of my goal of $1000, which is way more than I ever dreamed I could raise and I want to thank everyone who has already donated. It means a lot to me. 

*******

This past week has been especially hard. One week ago I had to let my fur-baby go. She was 15 1/2 years old and had a good long life with her family who loved her so very much. She was truly the best dog in the world and loved us back just as much. While I knew the time was coming, the event was sudden and traumatic and heartbreaking. I wrote about it on my other blog HERE. My friend Janet made me a little tribute to Maddy, I still want to cry when I look at it but it also makes me smile thinking of her with butterfly wings. Oh, the squirrels she can catch if she just had wings! 

I'm still getting used to life without her... every once in awhile I get a rush of adrenaline and think "I forgot to let Maddy out!" or "I forgot to feed her!" Habits are hard to let go... I don't need to let her out first thing in the morning or last thing before bed. No more walks to the bus stop. No racing through the house like a maniac every morning. No more dog waiting for me in the hall when I open the bathroom door. I feel like there's a little hole in my heart and I miss her so much! 

Moving on before I start crying again... how about a hair update? Even though there's not much to update! My friend P says that it's growing...  I guess because I see it every day it's hard for me to tell. I can tell that it's thicker all over, it looks like a head full of hair finally. But the length just isn't  happening fast enough. I suspect that the Tamoxifen I have to take is slowing the hair growth. My nails (fingers and toes) are the same. My finger nails break to the quick and flake. My toenails are just ugly... 6 months ago when I finished chemo that last round did a number on them. They started detaching about half way down and some developed a ridge at that growth point. Six months later, they've grown about 1/8". If the hair on my head and my nails grew as fast as the hair on my legs, I'd be happier! Here are some pictures: 

I don't think the hair looks like it's meant to be that way... yet. But I'm getting there. I think I can confuse some people already. I was watching the Ellen Degeneres show this afternoon and noticed her hair was pretty short... on purpose! And it looks pretty too.

Ellen Degeneres

Maybe in another six months mine will grow that much and I can actually style it. Truthfully, it really doesn't bother me that much. It's easy to take care of and it's kinda like my badge of honor right now. I worked hard for this hair, right? It's hard to capture it with  pictures but in real life it looks much better... it also comes with confidence. 

And that's what beauty is all about, isn't it?

Faux-hawk, mohawk, NOhawk.

Hellooo! 
Another update from me, you can all rejoice now. Okay you can stop now.

It's been exactly 7 weeks since my last update. Shame on me. What's new? Some parts of me are thrilled, some parts are very frustrated. Like my head parts. I want to rip my hair out. If I had any to rip out, ha! Seriously, my hair is growing SO slow it's maddening and frustrating. And it's not just my hair, but my fingernails and toenails too. My fingernails are so short I can't grab stuff. They keep breaking off shorter and shorter. My hair doesn't look a whole lot different either, maybe a bit thicker but not in length. Oh sure, but the hair on my LEGS is growing. How fair is that?? 

Here it looks a little blonde. But not in real life.

That's all there is! 

It's been FIVE months since my last chemotherapy session and this is all I have to show for it. Harumph. I can't even get a decent faux-hawk going. I still look like a chemo patient - because nobody in their right mind would cut their hair this short of purpose! I seriously thought I'd have some styling options by now. I know, I know, it could be worse. But I haven't done a whole lot of complaining throughout my ordeal so I'm making up for it now :-) 

Other than that, I'm feeling... just OK. The surge of energy I had a few months ago has left me again. I am exhausted more often than not. Some days I just can't make it without having to close my eyes for a bit of a cat nap. I hate that I rely on caffeine to get me through the day. Because soon I may have to give it up. (At least some of it.) I don't think the fatigue is the result of the chemotherapy anymore. I think it's the result of the crappy nights of sleep I'm getting. Or I should say crappy sleep at night. I feel like I have a newborn again. It's called a broken hypothalamus and screwed up temperature regulator. Or maybe it's called Tamoxifin? Tam for short... my newborn baby. Wakes me up about 4-5 times a night. 

Here's the routine. I go to sleep, usually shivering cold. *I cover up in a thin cotton blanket and a fleece blanket. It takes about 3 minutes to warm up and stop shaking. Then I start sweating. I throw all the blankets off of me and sometimes lift my tank top to expose my midriff, and fan myself cool. After about 5 minutes it passes and I can cover myself with the thin cotton blanket and fall asleep. About an hour later I wake up shivering all over. Repeat from * about 5 times a night. Is it any wonder I'm exhausted? 

I also saw an endocrinologist about my chronic vitamin D deficiency. Actually I saw the Nurse Practitioner because the doctor is booked 4 months in advance. After sitting for an hour answering tons of medical and history questions (which, interestingly enough, were the SAME questions I spent hours filling out at home before the appointment!) she came up empty handed. She talked it over with the Dr. the next day and they decided to increase my Vitamin D intake to 50,000 IU twice a week. I'll have to go back and get retested mid November and another appointment with the Dr. in December. They did ask me if I had any history in my family of Celiac disease. Thinking maybe a malabsorption issue? They are going to test me for it in November. Which is frustrating as heck, because if there's something I can be doing about it, like going gluten-free, I don't want to wait till December to find out about it. I am feeling incredibly out of balance in terms of nutrition and diet.

I had to have another MUGA scan of my heart last week. To see if the Herceptin is damaging it at all. I always thought my baseline number was 66 but it turns out it was 56. After three months of Herceptin it was 68. And this last test it was 61. I know no one is worried about it because anything over 50 is normal, so the nice tech tells me. He couldn't actually tell me the number but he told me anyway without actually telling me. He was so cute. Except when he gasped while injecting radioactive material into my vein. I hate it when that happens.

Anyway, I'm shivering now so I need to bundle up and get some sleep. I shouldn't have had that 10 minute cat nap at 9:30 tonight....  I'll let you know when my hair actually starts growing and something interesting happens.

50 Shades of Grey Hair.

I've been getting some subtle (and not so subtle-you know who you are) hints that I need to update my blog. Well, I guess they're right. I see it's been awhile.


Life has been slowly getting back to normal. Whatever that means. I have a feeling that nothing is every really going to be normal again, but I'm finding my "new normal".  It has been 13 weeks and two days since the last chemo session. My body is thankful that it's over. I am thankful that my body handled it as well as it did. Every cycle I could feel it rebounding and healing on a daily basis. I have a much greater appreciation for the physical body, what an amazing machine it is! 


So, 13 weeks out... how goes it? Very well I think. I had a checkup last Monday with the oncologist and he mentioned 4 times how well I'm doing. Of all the side effects I was experiencing, I have very few remaining. The neuropathy remains in my toes on my right foot. They are just slightly numb. My feet get a bit numb when I walk for more than two miles. (Yes, did you hear that? When I was on vacation last month, I took some long walks. I had the energy to go for 2+ mile walks several times a week.) The surgery site (ground zero) is still pretty tender inside. And I still have night sweats and day sweats. Okay. Hot flashes. I just hate that word. The neuropathy should go away. The tenderness in the breast should subside. The hot flashes are here to stay. 


I started on Tamoxifen on Wednesday. I wasn't looking forward to this at all. I've heard horror stories about this drug in the past. And I don't want to hear any more. So if you're inclined to tell me how you reacted so badly, please don't. I need to take this medicine. Statistics show that women who partake in hormone treatment in addition to chemo/radiation double their chances for the cancer NOT coming back. I bet that could have been said a better way... but my brain function is probably the other thing that is still effected by the chemo. 


Focus Lisa. I feel like I have developed some sort of ADD. I have a hard time focusing on the task at hand. My brain is always going and going but it's hard to settle down and get something done from start to finish. I started making lists. Sometimes my brain gets so overwhelmed by all I have to do that it just wants to shut down and sleep. At times it's hard to get a thought out. Other times it feels manic and just wants to make friends.


Does anyone want a hair update? I haz hair! It's about 1/4" to 1/2" long. The front/hairline is growing a lot slower than the back and sides. It's not coming in curly but that's okay. I can't seem to get a decent picture of my head though. Most pictures you can't really see my hair, or there's a glaring bright reflection on my head which looks funny. I'll have to ask hubby to try to get a picture of my head. Wait, I just stuck my head in front of my laptop's photobooth camera. You can see me in all my unmade-up glory, lacking eyebrows and eye makeup and all. I look a little like my brother.  (It's weird. During chemo I started wearing makeup again and now I feel nekkid without it. Especially my eyebrows.)

I fear that I've seen the last of my blond tresses. Unless it comes from a bottle. Somebody described my hair as "salt and pepper" the other day. Yes, the only thing 50 shades of grey in my house is my hair! It's still in that awkward stage... too short to actually look like it was meant to be that short. But not quite that "bald-chemo" look either. I am highly recognizable for sure! 


It's funny, I was at the CHA (Craft and Hobby Association) Tradeshow last week. I took three workshops on Monday, walked the floor with my husband on Tuesday and went back Wednesday by myself to study the "make and takes", meet some vendors, and attend a few conferences. A lot of people recognized me from day to day. (I've always been a wallflower and blended into the woodwork.) I just smiled a lot. I met a fellow breast cancer survivor who approached me and we traded war stories. It was quite an experience. 


I'm glad to have my hair back though. It's hotter than Hades here in Chicago this summer. I haven't worn a scarf since vacation mid June. Hats are for shading from the sun. I'm not embarrassed the least bit. I even feel a little bad-ass. And I've only had positive reactions from people, bless them all. I've developed the habit of "petting my head" when I'm nervous and need calming down. You know how they say that stroking a dog or cat reduce blood pressure? So does petting my head. My blood pressure is excellent!


I'll talk to you all soon!