The Color of October

What October looks like.

I love Autumn but October has become a hard month to get through. Everywhere I look, I see Pink. Don't get me wrong, Pink is good... it's the color of Breast Cancer Awareness, Education, Funding, Research, and Camaraderie. A reminder to get your mammogram. It's also a big fat reminder "You are now a permanent member of this group!" A fighter, a survivor. Not that I would ever forget. I think it's important to remember, it keeps fuel in the fire to do something about this Beast we call cancer. 

To mark my one year Cancerversary (has it been a year already?) I have decided to participate in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer 5K Walk this Sunday at the Chicago Premium Outlet Mall. I am raising money for the American Cancer Society, who have been amazing in the services they offer to cancer patients of all kinds, not just breast cancer. I am the captain of a very small team... it'll be me and my daughter, and my sister and nephew. Here's a very short video about the importance of the event. I love the lady who says "normally I would say to look at my face" lol.

If you would like to make a last minute donation to Team Cousineau, please click on this special message from me:  KICK CANCERS ASS  Haha. I'm at 84% of my goal of $1000, which is way more than I ever dreamed I could raise and I want to thank everyone who has already donated. It means a lot to me. 

*******

This past week has been especially hard. One week ago I had to let my fur-baby go. She was 15 1/2 years old and had a good long life with her family who loved her so very much. She was truly the best dog in the world and loved us back just as much. While I knew the time was coming, the event was sudden and traumatic and heartbreaking. I wrote about it on my other blog HERE. My friend Janet made me a little tribute to Maddy, I still want to cry when I look at it but it also makes me smile thinking of her with butterfly wings. Oh, the squirrels she can catch if she just had wings! 

I'm still getting used to life without her... every once in awhile I get a rush of adrenaline and think "I forgot to let Maddy out!" or "I forgot to feed her!" Habits are hard to let go... I don't need to let her out first thing in the morning or last thing before bed. No more walks to the bus stop. No racing through the house like a maniac every morning. No more dog waiting for me in the hall when I open the bathroom door. I feel like there's a little hole in my heart and I miss her so much! 

Moving on before I start crying again... how about a hair update? Even though there's not much to update! My friend P says that it's growing...  I guess because I see it every day it's hard for me to tell. I can tell that it's thicker all over, it looks like a head full of hair finally. But the length just isn't  happening fast enough. I suspect that the Tamoxifen I have to take is slowing the hair growth. My nails (fingers and toes) are the same. My finger nails break to the quick and flake. My toenails are just ugly... 6 months ago when I finished chemo that last round did a number on them. They started detaching about half way down and some developed a ridge at that growth point. Six months later, they've grown about 1/8". If the hair on my head and my nails grew as fast as the hair on my legs, I'd be happier! Here are some pictures: 

I don't think the hair looks like it's meant to be that way... yet. But I'm getting there. I think I can confuse some people already. I was watching the Ellen Degeneres show this afternoon and noticed her hair was pretty short... on purpose! And it looks pretty too.

Ellen Degeneres

Maybe in another six months mine will grow that much and I can actually style it. Truthfully, it really doesn't bother me that much. It's easy to take care of and it's kinda like my badge of honor right now. I worked hard for this hair, right? It's hard to capture it with  pictures but in real life it looks much better... it also comes with confidence. 

And that's what beauty is all about, isn't it?